My boyfriend wants to go to New York again in the future and is reluctant to let me come with him. One of the reasons is because I don’t have a job, but that isn’t even the main reason why. The main reason is because of my behaviour. I have the tendency to lash out at people (people being my mum) and he hates that. What can I do to prove to him that I can control my temper. I should also mention that h have almost lost him a few times due to me lashing out at my mum.

Get therapy.

He’ll probs end up breaking up with u and understandable imagine being the girl in that position:( like your bf lashes out at his mum it would be a massive red flag I’d say get therapy and work on yourself then try on a relationship

@Draculaurasb Well I already know I need to change anyway as mum is about to be living with me permanently until something happens. And my boyfriend has already told me a number of times (before the NYC thing even happened) that if I keep on doing this. I’ll lose him and I have even told him myself that if this keeps happening, I’ll end up losing him.

@maeve_ I have some apps I can use for that

@Swift99 I think the first step is to stop making excuses and take actions to self improvement. Using apps is not comparable to getting real life therapy. If you want to save this relationship you need to get help, but you should want to improve this on your own. Your relationship should not be your primary reasoning.

@Yi_eune I agree she seems to not be taking accountability on why he may be feeling like this

Apps aren’t the same as seeing an actual therapist. If you want help, you have to do the hard work.

@Draculaurasb It’s not just my boyfriend who doesn’t like it when I lash out, it’s also my family. I have had punishments from them for lashing out before.

I don’t really see how going to New York is related to not having a job or lashing out at people?

@kw11 yea seems like there is a deeper reason. It is surprising he’s still with you with the behavior you’ve shown him. You sound aggressive and I’m surprised that doesn’t worry him. I don’t know if you plan to have kids but if my partner treated his parents like that I’d be worried for my own children and I would not stay with a person like that at all.

@Swift99 bc you’re lashing out???? Take accountability he’s clearly worried bc u can’t be acting like that

Is there a reason you lash out a lot at her? Do you need to live together? Therapy is definitely needed and I think it would be good to establish boundaries with her too. It’s also fine for your partner to want to do trips solo or without their partner, there doesn’t need to be a specific reason. That said, I find it weird he said he doesn’t want you to come because of your relationship with your mom & has threatened breaking up over it, rather than communicating properly.